The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came . Change this with yours.
Helped by xoxo
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Five Years of Sorrow
Thursday, September 19, 2019
It's been years since my last writing....
Dulu rasa macam banyak gila boleh bercerita. Kadang kadang waktu muda ada benda tak kena sikit mesti mengadu dekat Adib. Waktu dulu takde phone lagi, guna Yahoo Messenger je contact each other. Tapi sejak dia dah takde, orang pun taktahu bila aku sedih. Orang cuma nampak aku happy. Member dekat USM sampai cakap:
"Perk ni tak pernah sedih ke?"
"Perk satu satunya perempuan yang tak pernah mood swing"
Little did they know, I cried almost everyday. Tapi aku belum jumpa orang yang aku boleh jujur tentang hakikat sebenar hidup aku selain Adib. That is why i miss him, when it's bad and when it's good. Kadang kadang rasa hidup ni terlalu tak adil untuk aku. I used to think that i'm crazy. Sometimes all i can do is cry my heart out. I used to hate it so much bila orang yang tahu pasal Adib asked me to stay strong and said that it is all fate that he died. I feel like slapping them right on their face. So all this while korang ingat aku tak pernah cuba untuk sabar? Korang ingat aku tak tahu ke ni ketentuan Allah? FFS, I KNEW IT. Kalau aku cerita dekat Asmaa, respon dia cuma
"Aku taktau nak kata apa weh, aku takdak kat tempat hang tapi aku paham hang sedih"
Just a simple word tapi aku tau yang dia tak judge aku. But i know orang lain pun just doing their very best to comfort me at my lowest. Up till today, I still haven't figured out how to recover, how to move on, how to not cry when i think of you. It's been FIVE FUCKING YEARS, i've been faking my laugh and my smiles.
Setiap hari sakitnya macam baru semalam dia takde. I couldn't find any word to describe this feeling.
The truth of losing someone,
"The pain of their absence leaves a hole in your heart, one that no one will ever have the capacity to fill. The loss will hit you like an earthquake, with a lot of aftershocks, some more powerful than others. Some days you'll wake up and feel as though you'll have the power to take on the world, other days every single smell, saying, voice and action will remind you of them, their memory will haunt you like a ghost, in the black of the night all you will crave is their presence, their touch, their smell, their voice but most importantly their love. It's not just their love you'll miss, it's everything that they wont be there for, every moment you'll want to tell them about."